Monday, January 14, 2013

I Wonder By Jeanie Kirby of my passion.

I love teaching literature and my biggest idol in literature has got to be Madam Angie.

I discovered my love of literature (though am not good at it) when i was in high school....when you had to learn Shakespeare's "Life Brief candle". My English teacher at the time, Miss uh...uh...miss (oh dear god! I've forgotten her name!!I am ashamed of myself at the moment)...anyway, she told us that the poem was actually from Shakespeare's play called Macbeth. She told us the story of a man, ambitious, wanting to be king, and the three witches played a role (either merely foretold the ascension or perhaps prompted macbeth into being king). I was intrigued....and i asked my parents to get me Shakespeare's books. And they did and gave me a thick compilation of Shakespeare's Cleopatra (my favourite due to my obsession with ancient egypt), King Lear (havent read unfortunately), (can't rememeber the third play...was it Hamlet?, and finally Macbeth.

Oh dear, when i got my hands on that book...i read it....reading out the lines as if acting it out myself...Silly me...i was like what...13/14/15? I didnt fully understand the whole text, the subtext, the hidden meaning or the complexity of the play. I just wanted to act the scenes out....and when i got into IPBL, and when Mdm. Angie told us we'll be studying Macbeth, no one knew my excitement.. GILA. But i was a puny soul back then, maybe i let out a tiny squeak....squeak....Siti + kus = si tikus.

When we discussed Macbeth, i had so many many things to understand. So many things to grasp and to sink in. And the knowledge, oh the knowledge, when Mdm Angie broke it down into piece, every explanation, everything was so awesome! I was afraid to ask more but was content. That was the best lesson of literature i ever had... Memang obsess la aku.. T.T lol. So, my point was, that the feeling of knowing more, of having your world rocked by endless knowledge, knowledge that blow your mind, i want that for my students. I may have achieved it when i was teaching "I wonder by Jeanie Kirby".

So i was teaching them "I wonder" and i explained the grass, the meaning, what the persona was thinking and the best part was the stars....oh how innocent their minds were...They don't even know what stars are...and that we are in a galaxy. An in a galaxy alone, there are bilions of stars. And that stars are suns, and the suns have the own planets surrounding them, and since there are millions of stars, there are milions of planets in just one galaxy....and get this kids...we, humans, know there are 100-200 BILIONS of GALAXIES. That are only the ones we get to explore kids...scientists have estimated there are probably 500BILION Galaxies!... And i broke it down for them, when i finished talking....all silence.....I told them, how small we insignificant it seems, earth.

When everyone recovered from their shock...including me....(to tell you the truth, after explaining it myself, i felt small too... overwhelmed again by the idea) I knew their little world have just been expanded a little, That i know, because the noisiest of them all kept quiet too....the boy asked...where are we? At the projected picture of a galaxy...i said, you cant see earth. We are too small. A galaxy is just soooo vast. He fell silent. and i smirked...knowing the class was feeling what i had felt during Mdm Angie's class. (Madam Angie would slip in facts and information during her classes which always caught my attention). Ahh...satisfaction. Something sink in their brains after

And i explained the moral values...that knowledge is important, knowledge is power. And with knowledge i could overwhelmed them, and without it, you are nothing. Again, silence.... I guess this is the best lesson i've ever delivered. Not because the student sat quietly, copying down notes and doing worksheets. The best part is when you know, you have given them something that will forever be in their minds.

 Dah dah...masuk kelas.. banyak cakap saja ini cikgu


Humans have their good days...and their bad days. And one of those bad days, there are the worse of them all. And during those times, one may not be able to hold everything in. One would voice out one's displeasure....that happened to me...a few days ago.... but i didn't exactly say that bad.

Me: Dang it..i have so many things to do!
Other teacher: Don't complain.
Me: (silent)

I fell silent not because i am ashamed, but because i realized no one will appreciate your work, and nobody know's what you are going through. But, they are not to blame. Its just that i feel i have the right to complain once in a while...and let me tell you the task that i am assigned to. Then you be the judge whether i am overreacting.

Post/task i am assigned to:
1. Warden
2. Pen. Setiausaha Ko-Kurrikulum
3. Penyelaras PBS Bahasa Inggeris
4. Penyelaras Program Intervensi 2M'
5. Setiausaha Lembaga Warden
6. Guru Penasihat Kelab catur
7. Jurulatih Pasukan Catur sekolah (separate from the chess club coz its a entire school thingy)
8. Am teaching 4 classes at the moment. (form 1,2 & 3) meaning i am in two sessions.
9. since i am the warden, i am automatically in the unit disiplin,
10. Pen. Ketua Jawatankuasa StorKo-kurikulum dan peralatan Ko-kurrikulum
11. Jurulatih debate team
12. and others

There are more but i guess its too depressing to write. Besides there are others listed me as "Semua warden" or "semua guru bahasa" so that doesnt really count i guess. and i'm sure there are other future appointments. I really am tired and its just January...and the idea that i'll be in something in the future scares me. I think my plate is full and i'm afraid i cannot cope. To be honest, when i reviewed the lantikan in the file, i see my name popping here and there....and others seemed not to be as many as mine. Sure the big shots there say i am trusted....but seriously? Just because i am "trusted" so, i am going to do all the work for other teachers who are "not trusted" while we get the same amount of pay. I find this entirely depressing. Really.... I didn't plan to write this in my blog...but i've got no one to tell and keeping it in is really stressful. I just want someone to hear me thats all. Else i'll go crazy.

Nad: Chey, bukan main complain, tok ada masa blogging tok cam ney?
Siti: Sukati kumpun!

Sekian, thank you. lol